These kits appealed to the imaginations of kids who grew up in a popular culture full of flying saucers and monster movies, but they were nearly useless. Demarais writes, “For me the collection represents so many things: a series of hard-earned revelations, my remaining sense of wonder, and the coming-of-age discovery that even kids need to be shrewd as serpents lest we get bit by one.” His picks for the worst:

Build Your Own Monster Plans $1
We imagined: Everything needed to assemble a monster, a weapon, and a friend.
They sent: What are quite possibly the doodles of a middle school student. The Abracadabra Magic Shop offered the “plans” for this illusion, which is intended to give the impression that a table full of parts springs to life after being assembled before
an audience. The secret is a set of diagonal mirrors that conceal a person hidden within the chest.
Customer satisfaction: You’ll feel empty inside.

Swindled by Mail: Just one of the lame kits that cheated a generation.

Build a Working Laser Pistol $2
We imagined: Schematics detailing construction of a sophisticated laser weapon, an essential device in every spy’s arsenal — or in anyone’s, really.
They sent: A booklet outlining how to project a harmless light beam from a toy gun using wire, glue, copper tubing, a mirror, flash cubes, batteries, and a plastic lasing rod. The task appears challenging for even a devout Popular Mechanics subscriber, let alone a kid. The laser’s inability to disintegrate is a blow, considering the ad’s boast that it’s “used by
the Argonne National Laboratory (Home of the Atomic Bomb).”
Customer satisfaction: Zaps you in the wallet.

-Kirk Demarais